nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
