god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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