I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
