I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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