What a fucking waste of an outfit
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
