I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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