I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
