dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
