Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
