Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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