Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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