Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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