the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
