the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pants are for mortals
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
