Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
