That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
