he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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