Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
