U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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