I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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