We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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