I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
