What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
