ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
