Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
