If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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