I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize