i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
