he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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