i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
