my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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