I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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