If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
