You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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