Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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