we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
