I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
