so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
