Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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