Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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