Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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