Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
