i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
