i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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