we have officially lost it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
