is wine microwaveable?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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