Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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