then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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