Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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