i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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