I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
