so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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