i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
