I swear she didn't look like that last week.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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