if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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