He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize