hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
