it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
