Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize