Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
