Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
