put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
