meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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