Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
