that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
