I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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