How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
