I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
