How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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