He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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