tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
