Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
