shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
