The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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