Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
