i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
