I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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