Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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