Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
