It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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