I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
