I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize