Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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