what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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