Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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