If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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