I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
