11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
