got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
