Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
