You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
