I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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