It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
